Well since my last post so much has happened. I could write for days, but I will spare you the great details. Last time I was on here I was moving. That seems like so long ago. I left the comfort of what I had known for so long for the unknown of small town missouri. It certainly came with it’s challenges and an extra 9 miles of driving each way. I continued in my same job and for the most part still loved it. I got to teach and train people. I got to pass on the lessons of not only health and personal training, but the value of an education. I got to see first hand how you could change someone’s life with the knowledge you had spent a lifetime discovering. That didn’t last though. From working for free in some parts of my job, to not being allowed to expand my roll in others my time was beginning to fade even if I didn’t want it to. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to be able to grow and help them to grow with me, but when you’re paid by the state that doesn’t always happen. As my time there seemed to be at its end, I thought of what else I might be able to do. I applied and applied and applied to countless jobs. I begged just for a chance to prove my worth in the field I had gotten my education in and spent 5 years in. But the ”Dear Mary” letters continued to pour in. Sometimes unexpectedly after forgetting I had even applied. I wrote a poem about my struggles. Here it is:
Help Wanted: A poem by TK
This looking for a job thing is a giant pain in the *ss
I miss the days of drinking beer, and always skipping class
Waking up around noon or so, and heading to the rec
Sweating out the night before, or what did you expect
I’ve put in so many resumes, and filled out so many apps
I keep getting these Dear John letters, filled with all sorts of crap
Thank you for your submission, we wish you the best of luck
We notice that you’re qualified, but really don’t give a f*ck
You’re not what we’re looking for, you won’t be moving on
If something changes we’ll let you know, but the conclusion is foregone
Does my experience mean nothing? And what about my Degree?
You realize it’s a Master’s right? Should I have just gotten a GED?
Should I kneel down and pray tonight, and just hope for the best
Or will my prayer be a cover letter that lays in a pile with the rest?
Should I go make my own youtube video, just like Gagnam Style
Do I hold up a copy of my resume and hope that it goes viral?
I could pick up an acoustic guitar, and strum a chord or three
I’ll look right in the camera and say, “PLEASE JUST HIRE ME”
My stress level is way up, my sleep hours way down
My once constant smile is now a constant frown
Ready to get out of this race, and win the lottery
But until that day comes around, “PLEASE JUST HIRE ME”
After the humor wore off I decided to try my hand at finance. I got a job with Quantum Financial in Carbondale. It was a small company but an opportunity none the less. I quickly learned that I was surrounded by one of the most intelligent financial minds I had ever been around. His ability to not only see a bigger picture in an person’s financial life, but to also grow their fortune in a much more secure and advantageous way than any other financial person out there was astounding. I was intrigued . I was excited. I was driven. Then reality hit me. They say that loneliness can be a killer of all things good. Well they aren’t lying. Just when I thought I had life by the balls a tragedy struck and life reminded me that I had no control over anything. I struggled with confusion. I struggled with pain. I struggled to fight back tears and see the positives that could be. I learned of so much hurt, so many different ways. I took all of them to heart, and tried to hide the pain from everyone around me and myself. When the dust settled and things returned to once was, I thought if I could just do this or that, then things would change, Life would get better. It would all make sense. I was wrong. Again tragedy struck….and loneliness set in, and pain of the truth has set in ….On top of that I’m lost. I’m lost of who I am, what I want, where I want to be. I’m running in circles trying to find the happiness I know is there but scared shitless to grab it. The unknown has always terrified me, and now more than ever. I have so many skills and talents. Why can’t I use them for financial gain? Tony Calabrese used to tell me. Do something with your Art. He also used to say whatever you do in life, do it with passion. What if my passion is on the other side. And what if the only way to make the grass greener is to paint it with my own brush. Where does that leave me? I don’t know. Confused.